Disappointment is not sadness and being angry is not being powerless. One of the most important things the couples trying to conceive and not being successful have to face is repeatedly getting in terms with loss, pain, failure, disappointment… Hence it is extremely important you learn to identify your emotions and feelings, understand them and respond properly. Especially in-fertility.
If someone asks you upon a failed IVF cycle how you were, naturally you tend to say bad, flat broke, unhappy, etc. No, we certainly don’t want you to say you are happy, but we want you to extend your emotional vocabulary. The more precise you name and identify the feeling that took over you, the faster and more appropriate will be your response and remedy or relief. On the other side, is the identification of your feeling misleading, you can end up with serious consequence, hurting your partner or giving up on your dreams or goal. That applies not only #inthefertility or your TTC, but also in case you are trying to learn another language or try to get rid of a couple of pounds.
in-fertility discussed this topic with several experts, one of the fertility coach and a highly respected psychiatrist. They all agree it is important to make a difference between the deeply negative descriptions such as aground, hopelessness and awful and the more precise feelings as actual disappointment, natural sadness, loss of something you can try to achieve again or another test for the couple that makes the bond even stronger. All those negative expressions, clichés we are exposed to on a daily basis are happy to quickly occupy our mind and stay, the result of which is they become more true and all of the sudden we are really down and behave accordingly with a prolongation of the negative situation.
Experts on emotional intelligence say only about 36% of people are able to describe their feelings properly. The good news is, we all can learn it if we want. It is really helpful to talk about our situation with our close ones, especially with our partner or a close friend we trust. You can talk or write to us in-fertility. Don’t forget, we all walked this colourful garden of anger, nervousness, loneliness, insufficiency, failure, pain, disappointment, stress or weakness and are here for you. To start, let us know how you felt after your recent “it didn’t work”. Frustrated? Irritated? We will award the best comments as in-fertility we love to share.