TTC, love and saint Valentine
Because so little is reliably known of Saint Valentine, in 1969 the Catholic Church removed his name from the General Roman Calendar. That doesn’t change the fact that on February 14 we are reminded that being in love deserves a special notice. A kiss, a flower, a card… finally getting pregnant with him maybe?
Not every person wishes to become a parent. However, the nature has it that if you are in love with someone, the miracle of the two of you becoming a baby, is very, very appealing. But sometimes no matter what you do, how long you do it or how much you wish to have that baby, it doesn’t work. Is that the end of your chance to be happy? I don’t think so. The other way around. Love, which has put you on this journey, is the basic precondition you will ever be a happy person.
Now here’s the thing. During my career in the “TTC” area I have seen thousands of people who believed having a child is the pinnacle of their happiness. The dreamy, somewhat pious pictures of mothers with babies quoting “you aren’t rich until you have what money can’t buy”… are not exactly helpful. The fact is they are not true. Children can be many things. But they are no happiness, love or satisfaction guarantee. They aren’t going to fix a marriage or yourself in fact. Apart from not such rare cases, when you end up having distant, no or bad relationship with your children, they can also become sick or die. There are no guarantees and there is no such thing as “the right to HAVE a child”.
Well. None of this should or does, in most cases, constitute a reason not to have them. Not to try anything possible (relevant, reasonable and safe) to be able to have them. However, whatever the outcome, you must never forget what put you on the journey. Love. Having so much of it that you are willing to share. Feeling so much, you can give. And that is it. There is always many of those who need love. Just look around. Your Valentine question what to do with love you feel, is the greatest prayer of this Universe.
Mine has been answered. I cannot say how happy and blessed I am. I know that many of you feel that tremendous fulfillment of life with your children and that is OK, but it is not getting pregnant and having children. It is to give and receive love, to feel and experience love. Not just today. Every day. I pray you find that happiness, just as I did. And kiss and hug the one you love madly! See, there is no guarantee or right to love either. It just is the greatest gift of all.
the Founder of in-fertility